“My initial encounters with a narcissist and narcissistic abuse took place during my childhood. I grew up with a narcissistic mother who was verbally, physically, and mentally abusive. This abuse continued into my adult years. Over time, I believe I’ve come to tolerate certain levels of abuse without truly recognizing it, as Ive grown accustomed to believing that abuse is normal and prevalent in most relationships, although it can be difficult to discern.

I began to understand narcissism when a friend shared information about narcissistic behaviors and abuse. As she revealed what she’d learned, everything seemed familiar, which led me to investigate more about narcissism on my own. It was a term I had always heard but never really grasped. Once I became familiar with the abusive patterns and traits of a narcissist, I’began to identify these characteristics in my parents.

However, I didnt realize that my parents were narcissists and, in fact, only started learning about narcissism after they had passed away. For me, it involved recalling childhood events such as getting in trouble or being chastised without understanding why. Even when I thought I was doing my best as a daughter, I was never good enough for them. No matter how much effort I put forth or how obedient I was, their approval seemed unattainable unless it was time to boast in front of friends; only then did they acknowledge me.

Narcissistic traits become evident when you get close to someone romantically. A while back, for example, I had a romantic relationship with a man that demonstrated this. Basic things like constantly picking fights or creating confusion provoked either an apologetic or regretful response from me. In one instance, he wouldn’t call or respond to texts until I pointed it out, which resulted in him getting defensive and starting an argument. Then we would go without speaking for days or even weeks at times. Whenever apologies arose, they never took responsibility for their actions or words. Instead, they focused on expressing regret for the event itself, shitting the blame away from them.

When faced with challenging situations, narcissists often resort to manipulation and phrases like, “Let’s move forward,” avoiding responsibility and accountability for the relationship. Often, feelings of uit and shame are manipulated as part of this process. For instance, my current ‘conflict with him is due to him speaking to me poorly and now feeling as if I owe him an apology. Although I missed wishing him a happy Father’s Day because I don’t celebrate it (due to my