“For several years, I endured a toxic and abusive relationship, never realizing my spouse was actually a narcissist. It wasn’t until I started attending counseling sessions that I first encountered the term “narcissist.” Intrigued, I went home and researched the meaning, only to be caught off-guard. As it turned out, every characteristic I came across in my research mirrored my husband’s personality and my own experiences as a victim.

In our counseling sessions, my husband’s uncooperative attitude held us back. Despite agreeing to attend, our first meeting was disastrous – he falsely accused me of drinking and remained negative throughout. The counselor’s attempts to promote kind communication proved futile. Our second session, involving a homework assignment, led to him walking out on us. The counselor then told me he was a narcissist.

Flashback to our earlier marriage days, a similar counseling experience left me shattered when my husband claimed I added no value to his life. Heartbroken, I sought solace at my father’s house yet chose to stay in the marriage partly due to my longing for a child. Despite ongoing hurdles and his non-cooperation in having children, I eventually demanded a divorce.

This shocking declaration led to his change of heart; he realized my worth and committed to saving our relationship and starting a family together. Slowly taking responsibility for his actions, our bond improved, and I finally became pregnant. Despite the therapist’s confirmation of his narcissism and the initial lack of positive contribution to his life, we strived toward a better marriage.

When I first had suspicions and tried to question his family or actions, he would become irrational and defensive. He couldn’t accept any flaws in himself or his kin and would counter by criticizing my family. I wanted to address these issues together, but his denial only led to more irrational behavior when discussing them.

Eventually, I stopped questioning and trusting him with our finances. I knew my income and bank account details, but the rest was a mystery. The truth stil evades me, and it’s evident that he hid more than I ever expected — trusting him was unwise.